


what will we do at the end?

by galactoc



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie) Spoilers, Hurt Tony, M/M, Post-Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie), Protective Steve Rogers, Reunions
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-29
Updated: 2018-05-01
Packaged: 2019-04-29 16:25:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,819
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14476581
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/galactoc/pseuds/galactoc
Summary: the aftermath.





	1. Chapter 1

"We must return," says Nebula, more of a command, and her inky black pits are unyielding. Those eyes have seen the unimaginable. The brutal form of Thanos day after day, shame and pain and maybe a seed of impossible love for him. And a seed, a sapling, a furling tree of love for Gamora, who's corpse likely rests at the bottom of the cliff somewhere, freshly blue against stark snow and fingers unmoving. 

Tony's nothing but tattered. His face streaked with grime, clothes dirty, torn, side aching like a motherfucker where the knife went through. God, but Peter's voice is still fresh in his mind. Peter's arms clutching him tightly, so tightly, face buried into him like Tony was a tether to this world. A lifeline. But Tony had really been the one to push him out into the void of nothingness, of death.

The boy's face was a mess of fear. It haunts. They had played and fought and come near to death, but not too near, and now it really happened. 

Tony stumbles, sits on a rock, tries not to let any tears fall. The sun is constant and scorching on this baked planet. It's not even nighttime, it's daytime, and the light is harsh and neverending, reminding him of where exactly he failed and where the others fell.

"Thanos won," he says, dryly, without much feeling, though he knows better. A finality in the statement.

"You know there is a solution." Nebula snaps back sharply. "The wizard spared your life for a reason. We must return."

Tony knows that too; he's not an idiot. But his heart pulls him to stay here, in this place, where so many dissolved. "I don't know why he spared me," he says. "I have no fucking idea what to do from here."

"That is why you will go home, and figure it out." She doesn't move, doesn't speak, until he slowly stands up and the two begin walking through this desert.

* * *

Steve had lost Bucky again. Like a kind of perpetual cycle, like the Universe was laughing and cackling down at him in mirth. He had lost Bucky on that snowy mountaintop as he fell, and he lost him to the spell they'd put him under, and he lost him to ice, and he lost him to Thanos.

Thor, Natasha, Bruce, and Rhodey are still here. And countless are _lost_.

"Thanos," Bruce says, "He did it. He really did it."

Nat's already thinking up a plan, always clear-headed and always ready for action. Her hair, an impeccable shade of near-white, isn't even stained. "We need to find the others. In the galaxy, wherever they are. We need to regroup, and move fast, because Thanos is still alive."

Silence. Then- "I am in agreement," bellows Thor, "This battle is not yet over."

None of them say what they really think. That maybe no one there is left. That everyone has left. God, but Steve hopes Tony is still there.

* * *

"Faster," Nebula says, and Tony feels like a hostage being led to a dark room, gun nipping at his neck. But he knows she's just broken, and so is he. 

He thinks of Earth. Would Steve still be there? Rhodey, Pepper, Happy? Would the Avengers still be intact, or dissolved into a mess of broken bones and hearts?

"I'm having a hard time soldiering along, seeing as how I was stabbed with a knife," he says. To his surprise, she barks a cold laugh. It's more of a scoff.

"You are faltering because of a stab wound. Earthlings are unimaginably weak. When Thanos tore me apart limb by limb and ripped my eye out, my brain out, I still stood and fought. I never stopped fighting. But you..." The disgust on her face is evident. "You have been stabbed, once, and you cannot even walk."

"Not my fault I've been living a pampered life," replies Tony.

"You have people to return to at your home. Some of them may be gone, but there will surely be people left." Nebula almost quickens in her pace. "But I have no one left. The only one who loved me lies dead. You cannot feel the loss like me, and so you will keep walking."

"That's not fair," Tony breathes, "We all lost today."

* * *

Upon arrival to Earth, Tony stumbles out into bright sunlight. He only sees muddled visions of people and nothing clear, nothing tangible from ghosts or friends. That might be Natasha, with silver hair, or Rhodey in the War Machine suit. It might be Bruce stepping nearer and Thor greeting him enthusiastically, golden locks gone. Two Wakandans... a raccoon?

And someone running to him. Someone with a new beard and chocolate hair but with the same glinting eyes, who shouts, "Tony!" just as Tony begins to fall. His side hurts. And he's caught by strong arms, a face that presses his leaving wet stains, and then nothing but darkness.

"Steve," he whispers, before he blacks out.

* * *

"We were the only ones left." Nebula spits like it's all of their faults. Maybe it is. "The wizard gave up the Time Stone to Thanos to spare his life." She gestures to Tony in contempt. "But he is useless and weak. He does not have a solution."

"We will make a solution," Thor says determinedly. 

"Thanos sits in peace somewhere," she continues, "You cannot let him rest."

"You're not going to help?" Natasha asks. Not in disbelief or hatred, but a genuine question.

"First I will find my sister's body and give her a proper burial." Nebula sees the destruction of this place, the wreckage of the city border and beyond. The forests on fire. She leaves quickly and impassively with a mission to complete.

Steve still holds Tony tightly.


	2. Chapter 2

He has nightmares.

In them it's always the same bitter pain, like a taunt, like someone up there is laughing at him out of spite. Because this is how it always seems to be. The loss never ends. The failure never ends. You save the entire world once and you feel unstoppable, and then you save it again, but the victory is overshadowed by the deaths, and then in the final battle, the ultimate one, the one where the entire fate of the universe is at stake... you fail. 

And there's no victory, and there are countless losses, and it seems punishment just to live and breathe everyday when their souls have been roped into somewhere unreachable. Or maybe their souls have been pulverized. Either way, they're gone.

In the nightmares, he  _feels_ Peter hanging onto him,  _feels_ it like it's so fucking real. Down to the exact shape of the kid's skinny limbs and his arms, holding on, deceivingly thin but underlying with superhuman strength. That kind of strength, not letting go. The way his face twists against Tony's neck, something beyond anguish.

Peter's hands don't falter until he falls.

Always, in the nightmares, there's his corpse rotting on the ground, bones tearing through blackened skin and lips purple. Eye sockets emptied and overflowing with maggots, flesh half-decayed and furling with fungus. The body doesn't disintegrate. The body shows no mercy. It only stares up at him, helpless and gone, and behind it is Peter asking, _Why didn't you save me? You knew this was coming... Why didn't you save me?_

"I'm sorry," he always wants to choke out, but he can't, his mouth always shuts on him, and the boy disappears.

He awakes and sits up abruptly.

Tony inhales sharply when he feels a throbbing pain in his side. He's disoriented, doesn't remember where or what or anything besides Peter, Peter, _Peter..._

"Tony," says a familiar voice, "You were having a nightmare."

Yeah, no shit, he wants to retort, but it's Steve, and all he sees is Steve. Steve, keeping a respectful distance, Steve in all his polite ridiculousness after half of Earth has been killed and no one can do anything but choke on their own grief.

"Steve," whispers Tony in a cracked voice and he reaches out to pull him close.

He kisses him.

Steve stiffens up for a second and then is kissing him back just as fiercely. Then Steve pulls back. "I almost... I killed you, last time. You killed me. Don't you remember?"

"What?" says Tony, and he starts to scream as Steve's face distorts and warps into nothing, into bones, into blood, and the man folds in on himself in a grotesque origami sculpture of flesh. He looks like Peter, and his eyes melt away until there's nothing left in the sockets, and worms crawl through his skin and outwards...

 

Tony awakes, this time for real. He blinks the crust out of his eyes; he's already sitting up, pain sharper than ever, twisted in the sheets.

He looks, blearily, and Steve is really there. Halfway out of a chair, clearly about to come rouse Tony, face confused and concerned and maybe a little...

"Is this a dream?" he asks.

"I-No," Steve replies slowly, lowering his eyes, "I don't think so."

And then Tony starts laughing. Something borderline hysteric but just in the edge of panic, he laughs and clutches his stomach even though the stab wound is really doing a number on him. "What are the odds? That out of everyone that blew away... we're still standing? The two of us?"

"I don't know, Tony. I don't know."

"Thanos knows me, you know. He's like an old friend of mine. He told me... he told me something. Something like respect or admiration or something in his twisted little mind for me. He said for me, he would spare half of the human population."

Steve only looks up, then, from his previously downcast position. "He said that?"

"I'm just so special," Tony giggles, "Just so fucking special."

Steve gets up. "He's playing with you, Tony. You need to get him out of your head. He's- I don't know what he's trying to do with you. What he's planning. But you can't let it get to you."

"He's already gotten to me," breathes Tony, and he swings his legs out of the bed and feels cold shock run through them at the splat of hard ground. Pain slices through his midsection and there's nothing to show for it except a slight grimace on his face-

But one second and Steve is already there. Too close. Too worried and gentle and motherfucking-

"I haven't seen you for two fucking years!" Tony screams into his face. "Don't fucking touch me!"

Steve recoils immediately, like he's touched a hot poker. Tony breathes, says, "I'm sorry. Sorry. I'm... I'm going insane, Steve. God."

"It's okay."

With fumbling hands, Tony reaches for the little switch and pumps up the morphine dosage level, by one, two, three... "I'm going back to sleep."

"I'll stay here," Steve says determinedly.

"No need."

He blacks out again.

Steve stays.


End file.
